I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
