I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think my fart just growled at me.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
