my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He shit in the fireplace
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
