You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
