I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
