You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
