Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
