Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
