So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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