also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
