allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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