There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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