i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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