I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
