I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
