I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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