so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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