WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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