your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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