How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
