What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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