You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
