I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
