The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
