Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
