This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
