Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
