he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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