a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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