Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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