The best revenge is premature balding
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
