Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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