i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
They took my balls.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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