If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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