Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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