my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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