We won't sleep together?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
