I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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