Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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