I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You're so nebulous sometimes
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
