Cold hands, warm shart.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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