I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
