Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
