matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
