Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
