i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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