whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
