I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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