..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
