It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
